I no longer wish…

These are the things I longer wish to understand! 

 
I no longer wish to understand what constant pain feels like. Imagine waking up and getting hit by a truck that peterbuilt! Living like that everyday is awful! It takes the joy and comfort out of your life. It brings sadness and tears, doubt and fear. It brings frustration and anger. It leaves you lonely, because not many understand what is happening. You’re lucky if you even understand it.

I no longer wish to understand the cost and sides effects of medication. It brings sleepless nights, weight gain and dizziness. It brings vomiting and rashes. It brings headaches and racing hearts. It brings many costly trips to the pharmacy. 

I no longer wish to understand that there isn’t much doctor can do for me. It bring countless doctor visits. It brings frustration and worry. It brings countless times hearing, sorry I can’t help you. It brings many miles of travel for nothing. It brings many doctor bills for no relief. It brings many tests showing nothing.

I no longer wish to understand feeling helpless. It brings tears and anxiety. It brings loneliness and friendships lost. It brings on loss of independence. It brings depending on others for everything. 

I no longer wish to understand the numbness and paralyzed feeling. It brings not being able to feel your legs and arms. It brings not being able to move your legs and arms. It brings many days sitting in your chair not doing anything. It brings not being able to get out of bed. It brings miss opportunities to go out with friends and family. It brings disappointment and anger.

I no longer wish to understand not being able to work. It brings long nights. It brings money issues. It brings loss of shopping trips. It brings bills going unpaid. It brings worry and fear. It brings the unability to provide for yourself.
I no longer wish to understand this illness! It brings pain and sleepless nights. It brings tears and fears. It brings endless nights of research. It brings countless explanations due to no one understanding. It brings a lifetime of misery. There is no cure, there is no hope of getting better. There is no painless life!
I do not wish this on anyone! No one deserves to live like this! 

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