I’m not sorry!

I have an invisible illness! If I’m lucky I have enough energy to get dressed or take a shower on my bad days! Most of the time you can find me reclining in my chair! I can’t control Fibromyalgia or its side effects!My bad days do outweigh my good days! So when my good days come around I cherish them, and want to do as much as I can while I can, because I know it’s not going to last long!

I also like to push my limits, do things I don’t normally get to do. I like to smile, I like to laugh, I like to do fun  things while my pain is tolerable. Why should I feel guilty for that? Why should I apologize for having fun? Why is it OK for people to tell me I’m faking it because I’m actually enjoying myself? Why are people so quick to discredit you, so quick to call you a liar, so quick to judge you? Some people will say, but you could do the yesterday, you should be able to do it today! Well, yesterday was a good day, that’s why I was able to do it. Today, is not a good day. Most of the time when I ha e a good day, I will over do it and make the next day even worse! They say because I am smiling a lot,that must mean I feel good! I have learned how to smile through the pain and nauseousness! Is it hard? Sure is, but it something that needs to be done! Some people will never believe you either way. They’ll find anything they can to discredit you! Hey I didn’t ask for this illness. I’m a human being who just wants to know what it’s like to laugh and to smile without pain.

People think if you have a chronic illness, you aren’t able to do anything. No, that isn’t true. What do you expect us to do? Waste away in bed? Our life is going to keep going whether we like it or not. We can’t pause it. We have to get up every day despite the agonizing pain we might be in and we have to fight through it because, at the end of the day, stuff has to get done. Often I will really get into something on a good day, and take it too far, so it will sit there until I have another good day!

I have a chronic illness. I shouldn’t have to act a certain way to validate it. I have no cure. I am stuck with it for the rest of my life. But I won’t let this illness define me. I have goals and dreams to achieve.

I’m done apologizing for being sick. I’m done apologizing for laughing and enjoying myself on the good days. I’m done explaining myself to others who can’t comprehend what I go through. I shouldn’t have to prove anything to anyone, and I’m not going to. I don’t need your pity, your sympathy or your judgments of my life.


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