Living with OCD or as I call it CDO

First off, what exactly is OCD? Obsessive-compulsive disorder is a mental illness. It’s made up of two parts: obsessions and compulsions. People may experience obsessions, compulsions, or both, and they cause a lot of distress. Some people with OCD can be fully cured with treatment, while others will continue to have it, but enjoy significant relief from their symptoms. Treatments typically employ both medication and lifestyle changes including behavior modification therapy.

📌 I call it CDO instead of OCD which bugs some people with ocd, but I have to have in alphabetical order! But I will write it the correct way here.

Myths About OCD

* Myth: Repressed issues underlie OCD. “Many people spend years in psychoanalysis searching for nonexistent issues in an effort to explain why they are experiencing unwanted thoughts,” Corboy said. However, people with OCD have these types of thoughts because everyone has these thoughts. The difference is that people with OCD “get stuck on them, and do specific behaviors in an effort to escape the anxiety caused by them,” he said. While we don’t know what causes OCD, it seems to have a genetic basis, Corboy said. “OCD is sometimes ‘triggered’ by stressful events in that it appears to develop as a learned, maladaptive, coping response employed in an effort to manage that anxiety.”

* Myth: Everyone is a little OCD. According to Umbach, “The words ‘OCD’ and ‘obsessed’ tend to get thrown around carelessly.” Again, OCD is a debilitating disorder (and goes beyond being casually preoccupied with something). When it isn’t taken seriously, people can suffer needlessly because they don’t seek help, she said.

* Myth: If people could relax, they wouldn’t have OCD. “Actually, people with OCD are usually doing everything they can to reduce discomfort,” Umbach said. That’s the purpose of compulsions — to stave off anxiety and relax, she said. However, seeking comfort only perpetuates OCD. “What individuals with OCD actually need is a structured, supportive program to help them break free from OCD’s repetitive cycles.” (The gold standard of OCD treatment is discussed below.)

* Myth: People who have a tendency toward perfectionism or orderliness “are OCD.” “On numerous occasions, I have heard people state, ‘she is so OCD’ when they are describing behaviors that occur in certain contexts rather than the presence of true obsessions and compulsions,” Chapman said. However, he noted that these symptoms may indicate an unrelated — though similarly named — disorder called obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD).

Now I have never been properly diagnosed with OCD, my last physiologist did have me filled out paperwork for it, and she said it was moderate, not severe. I find it completely annoying sometimes, especially being a germaphobe! Being freaked out about germs is a whole other thing, gaaah, I can’t stand touching things in public, always have baby wipes on me! Refuse to use public restrooms, unless absolutely necessary. Just as bad with eating at restaurants, I love the food, but how do I know how clean the table, plates, silverware is? I don’t really, I have to put my trust in total strangers to believe that they did their job right.

My most prominent obsessive behavior is the need to straighten everything, I will seriously go through the stores (yes, I know that requires touching things) and straighten the products on tables, shelves, everything. My sister likes to bug me by going behind me and undoing what I did, then I won’t be happy until I fix it. I’m often being told that I don’t get paid to the store employees job of facing the shelves. I can’t help it, I have to do it. People often watch me work and have commented “I have never seen a more organized and clean work area” or “you’re a bit ocd aren’t you?” Um, yes, for example my last job was at a plastics factory, injection molding. When I took the parts out to cool, when I placed it on the table, If I had to straighten the one next to it, I then had to touch and fix every single piece on the table! Then I would freak out when I came back from break because the person left it a total mess. I can’t handle messy.

The only area in my room that is messy is my closet, and even that is an organized mess. But my space can be completely spotless, and I’ll still be stressed because I think it’s messy! Don’t even get me started on going to other people’s houses, oh my that’s sometimes really scary. When I used to babysit, the parents would come home to a clean house! I’m sure they loved it, in fact one actually left me a list of things to do, because she knew I’d do it anyway! I did it partly because I hate messy, and partly because I couldn’t sit still for very long.

Just a few other of my ocd tendencies are:

📌 Putting my money in denominational order, facing same way in my wallet when receiving change at the store. And freaking out when people don’t it as well.

📌 Closing all the tabs on my phone, clearing all notifications and blacking out the screen. If I leave just one open or my screen on, it will continuously stress me out until I fix it. Seeing other people’s phone with just endless notifications and tabs open gives me so much anxiety, but I try not to look at it because it’s not my phone to fix.

📌 I count every thing! Walking up stairs? Walking into stores, I count the number of steps in between the cracks. Counting. In a room? Counting how many paintings, how many knick-knacks, how many ceiling tiles, ect..

📌 I constantly check for phone, keys, wallet, etc. in my pockets, thinking that I forgotten something or lost something.

📌 I feel the need to fix everything, everybodies problems, I can’t stand to see people upset or hurt, I need to help them feel better.

📌 Checking things over and over. Even if you’ve already checked, you have to check again to make sure you were right. Or you have to do things certain ways/in certain patterns. Reloading the dishwasher after someone loaded it, because it wasn’t done right.

📌 Saying ‘I’m sorry’ even if I did nothing wrong. Whether it’s saying ‘I’m sorry’ to my family or friends, I am constantly apologizing for things I didn’t even do.

📌 I rehearse what I’m thinking of saying in my head and rehearse conversations, but sometimes without realizing, I might mutter or mumble under my breath while I’m doing it, making people stop and ask me what I said, or what I’m saying. I sometimes don’t know whether I said something out loud or in my head.

📌 Clicking my pen, when ever I have a pen.

📌 All labels in the pantry have to face the me way. CDs and movies have to be in alphabetical order.

📌 The volume on the tv has to be on an even number.

📌 If I work or stay some place for a while, like camping, I have to use the same sick and toilet every time, or I get upset. Sometimes, I will choose a back up, just in case.

📌 Re-writing everything if I mess up, and this is probably the one the bugs me the most, if I make the tiniest mistake, I have to start all over. I did get to the point where I started carrying white out with me and using that when I messed up, but it still extremely bothered me.

I know there’s probably more that I haven’t listed, but my memory isn’t as good as it used to be. Just looking at this list kinda makes say “what the fork, you dork” but in reality I can’t really help most of what I do, technically I suppose I can, if I want to work hard at resisting the compulsive behavior, but half the time I don’t notice I do it.

Do you have any ocd tendencies?


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