Be thankful for today…

“Be thankful for today! Because in one moment, your entire life could change!”

That quote to most people is just a nice quote. They see it and probably say to themselves, “yes, that true, and I am thankful for today.” Or “ehh, I guess it could be worse.” To me it means so much more. I am always thankful for any day that I am upright and sniffing the air. Any day you wake up, and your heart is still beating is a really good day.

So very often we complain about our lives. We complaint about working, driving, co-workers, friends, family, the list goes on. I always used to say “I don’t mind going to work, it’s the 8-10 hour wait to go home is what I don’t like. I got sick back in 2011, I was working a job that I didn’t like. That place was the most hateful place I have ever been, yet I was thankful to have a job. I was upset at how they treated me and my friends I worked with. It got so bad that I would cry and throw up just driving there, because of what I would have to put up with once I got there. It only got worse one February morning. I as usually didn’t get the help needed to lift roll of magnet weighing approximately 70-90 plus pounds from floor to just above waist level table. Now, I had done his many times, but this time something snapped in my back, at first I thought just pulled a muscle or something, but mentioned it to a co-worker. As the day went on, the pain got worse, I didn’t realize how bad it was until I got to work the next day and couldn’t move or do anything. Doctors performed so many tests, but couldn’t find the source of the pain, I was out of work for 3-4months with no answers.

Forced to back to work, but could only handle part time, while still searching for answers, while going through therapy. Therapy helped a bit in the beginning, but then stopped helping. Went through 7 months of therapy, before the switched me to another facility to do more physical and occupational therapy, which didn’t help either. The workman’s comp doctor told my employer after a five minute visit that he didn’t believe I was injured, or if I was it was all better, so I was forced to return to 40 + hours or be fired. Since then I was treated like crap, and HR tried to fire me, until she succeeded in 2014.

I was finally told in late 2011 that I have what they call fibromyalgia, thankful for a name to put with all this suffering, but yet so lost as it is a highly misunderstood illness with no real way to help. I was also jobless, because my employer didn’t want to deal with me anymore, even though I was in this position because of them. I thankfully was able to receive unemployment, and I took a much needed break to try and ease my pain while searching for employment that I felt I could handle, which I thought I did. Turns out that job was too much for me and I didn’t feel comfortable driving that far, so after a year, I accepted a job four miles from my home.

This job was unbelievably amazing. Not only was it light duty, but the company actually cared for their employees and treated them good. I was very well liked, which honestly I have had only one job in the 25 years I had been working. It was going well for the first year, then more symptoms arose. Everything started going downhill Health wise, but my employers worked very well with me, and checked with me daily on how I was doing. Unfortunately come January 2017, my body had had enoug, and I was forced to take medical leave from work. And even more unfortunate I was never able to go back. I kept them updated on what was going on, but my fmla ran out, and I couldn’t work to earn more.

It’s been over a year and a half since I’ve been able to work, and not a day goes by that I don’t wish I could go back to ,y last job that I loved so much. All those things that we often complain about daily, I wish I was able to do. I wish I was able to complain about having to go to work. I loved my job, but I loved being home more. The perfect life for me is to be able to work from home, and not have to go out in the world and deal with people. Still after a year and half, I have yet to find a way to earn money at home that doesn’t require harassing people for sales or talking on the phone (which is too painful with a paralyzed vocal cord). I wish I could be able to jump out of bed refreshed every morning, and have enough energy to get dressed and clean and do everything I would like to do. So many lists, but not enough energy or ability to get it done.

All those things that I took for granted because I didn’t think a day would come that ,y life would change so drastically that I would be able to them anymore. I never thought that I would wake up one day sick, and never get better. I always thought, “oh, I can do that tomorrow, or next week.” I would give anything to have those days back, where I was able to do whatever I wanted, but didn’t, because I could always do it the next day. Now it’s I have to save all that for a day that I feel really good, and then suffer for over doing it that day.

So next time you are complaining about having to do something, take a moment and be thankful for the ability to do it. Be thankful that you are able to do all you can do, and the ability to say, “oh, I’ll get to that tomorrow.” Because you never know when all of that can change in an instant.

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