Am I still mad?

Things come to me the weirdest ways. I dreamt that I ran into someone I used to work with at the place that caused this hell I live with. They asked me if I was still mad that I was fired. That got me to thinking. Am I still mad?

Let’s find out by reading this story.

Back in 2014 I was fired from a job that I had put my blood sweat and tears into for 10 years, and there was no reason given. I know why I was fired, but they won’t ever admit it. I was fired because I was injured on the job in 2011, and from the injury I developed an illness (Fibromyalgia) that not many people understand, there is no test for this horrid illness, it is diagnosed by 18 pain points on your body, health history and tons of tests excluding everything else. I was off work for a couple months before going back part time, then my employer hired a new HR person. Now this is a very small company, and they tend to get away with a lot of things that they shouldn’t, some even illegal as I watch this new HR person work. Now I am not a expert, but I have worked in enough office environments to know what is good and what is not! Anywho when she started the first thing she did was threaten to fire me if I didn’t go back to full time. My mistake was to actually do it, I should have said “screw you” and walk out as I couldn’t handle working full time, but their workman’s comp doctor said I was fine and probably not injured at all!

I could barely move and test after test showed nothing, yet I was miserable. Still to this day that spot in my back hurt tremendously and no test show anything. It took a very good psychiatrist to bring me back from the black hole I crawled into. I somehow got to the point where I could tolerate moving and continued to work there. Big mistake, this HR person made it her mission to make my time there miserable. Every chance she got she would try to fire me, or ask someone if she could. She would put me down and swear how stupid I was because the new fingerprint time clock wouldn’t work with my fingers. It didn’t help that I repeatedly said working with so many adhesives all these years have made my fingers difficult for those things. Things got so bad that I would literally cry driving to work and have to pull over to vomit. It took everything I had to make myself go there everyday when I knew all that was waiting for me was more hatred.

Why did I stay? Good question, because since getting this illness my fears have multiplied. I was afraid of starting over at a new job. Interviews terrified me. I would have to explain what is wrong with me, and even after 8 years, that is hard to do. I thought nobody would want me since my ability to work was unpredictable. So I stayed and suffered. Then one day she came and asked to talk to me, and dropped the bomb, “you’re fired, get out”. She waited for the day that the boss (there were 3) that loved me so much wasn’t there and got the boss that hated me to agree, and I was gone.

Was I mad, yes, but only because I wasn’t given a reason. I was also happy to be gone from that hell, I needed to get out, that place was literally killing me, no joke. I applied for unemployment, and thankfully they were smart and didn’t fight it, and I took a much need 3 month break from everything. I needed that break to recharge and recover from that hell I was in. That place was evil and so hateful, I felt myself turning meaner and I wasn’t liking it. It is so true that you become the environment you work in because I was turning about as hateful as they were, and that’s not good.

After my break I took the first job I could get, working as a greeter at Sams Club, not really the best place to work,but also not the worst. I unfortunately didn’t get hardly any hours as a greeter and moved up to cafe. I swore I’d never work in food, but there I was in food, and one of the busiest clubs around that I’ve seen. I quickly got used to having to run the whole cafe myself as help was hard to get. Heck, my first night the other closer called in. There is so much work that goes into working in the small food box. I learned to be very fast and efficient in my work, soon I went up from there and started doing orders for the cafe and inventory. But that meant working in the freezer and my hands couldn’t take it. They went white and oh so painful. The job eventually got to be too much, along the 30 minute drive. I started looking for a job closer to home.

Thankfully I found a job 7 minutes and 4.2 miles from my house, the perfect job. This job didn’t pay as well as others but it made up for that in the fact that it was so very easy and light duty. Boring at times, but they allowed me to wear headphones and listen to my books or music. This place put every other job to shame with how caring and nice they were. They loved me and taught me more about the job and gave me opportunities I was never given at any other job in the 20+ years I’ve been working. I was given training and advanced to quality control and training employees on the various jobs as well as writing up the training sheets. I was given the opportunity to work directly with the owners who actually valued my opinions. I have never worked in a better environment in my life. One boss would come out every afternoon and check on me to see how I felt and how things were going. No other boss has cared that much before. Sadly that all came to an end in January 2017, in early 2016 I started having worse symptoms including extreme weakness and losing the ability to move my legs and arms. It started out happening occasionally, but soon the episodes came more frequently. I had to call to get a ride home half way through work night about 2 to 3 nights a week. Sadly no test showed anything was wrong and still doesn’t, yet I continue to suffer. Then the biggest episode in 2017 lasted on and off for about a week, I wasn’t able to go to work. I had to file for fmla and lost my job when that ran out because sadly I couldn’t go back to work until I was 100%, no issues, and that hasn’t happened yet as I have never fully recovered yet from those episodes!

My employer told me he hated to let me go and my job was there if I was ever able to come back. I about cried because he cared so much. I felt so bad I wasn’t able to work there anymore. I still feel bad as I loved that job. I loved it so much that even though it took me 7 minutes to get there, I found myself showing up 30 minutes early. Any other job I would hide in my car until the last possible moment. I don’t think that I could ever express the gratitude and love I have for this company and how much I enjoyed working there, and how they made me feel wanted.

So am I still mad? Hell yes I am. Not because I was fired, but because of them and their hatred and unwillingness to give me any kind of help I was injured and got this horrid illness that took so much away from me and ended up taking my most loved job away from me. I am stuck not being able to work, drive, function properly and most of the time not being able to read or comprehend anything or even speak properly. I will spend the rest of my life hating that place for what it did to me. And more than likely spending the rest of my life wondering if I should have sued them and when is it too late to try.

Signing off

Mad and broken forever! 😔

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