What do you see?

What do people see when they look at me? When people look at me they don’t see anything wrong with me. They see what appears to be a healthy normal person. They see someone that should be leading a normal life. Someone that should be able to go to work, or go to the gym. They see someone that should be able to drive, think and speak properly and be able to walk good or even run!

What do doctors see when they look at me? They see someone who looks healthy. They see someone who doesn’t appear to have anything wrong with her. According to medical notes that I have recently acquired they see someone who is dramatic. They see someone who exaggerates and they see someone who is unkept. They see someone who should be able to live a normal life as no test show anything wrong. They see someone who just needs a good psychiatrist. They see someone who has an opioid dependence because she broke down and finally asked for pain meds for the first time in 8 years! They see a lot, but sadly they are so wrong.

What do I see when I look at myself? I see a fighter. I see someone who used to be very independent. I see someone who is searching for answers. I see someone who used to be able to do it all. I see someone who wants to be able to live a normal life. At the same time I see a sad person, because she is no longer the independent energetic person she once was. I see someone who is tired of doctors bullshit. I see someone who is tired of being in pain. I see someone who is tired of all that life has thrown at her. I see someone who doesn’t want this new life. I see someone who just wants to be able to drive and go to work. I see someone who just wants to be able to enjoy life. I see someone who is hurt by everything her previous doctors said to and about her. I see someone who is determined to find answers and prove all those doctors wrong. I see someone who will not back down and will get the help that is needed.

When you look at someone you always what do you see first? You usually see things that are true and untrue. Fun thing is when you don’t know them you can make up whatever story you want about them. But sometimes what you see or think isn’t what they truly are. Looks can be deceiving and most of the time what’s you may think about them just isn’t who or what they are!

In my case I am not what some of my previous doctors thought I was. I am indeed sick and in desperate need of their help, and thankfully have had the blessing of finding 2 amazing specialists this year who not only are willing to help me, but also proved that the challenges I face are in fact real. I couldn’t be happier that I have found them. To most chronically ill people a diagnosis is one of the most desired things. But that is a far second desire to finding good doctors who not only believe us, but also want to and do help us get some much needed answers.

What do you see when you look at yourself? I truly hope that you see a beautiful, smart person who fights to make their dreams come true. Also I hope you see someone who doesn’t back down when others throw wrenches in your path and try to stop you from achieving what you are seeking.

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