Im tired…

Saying I’m tired is an understatement for sure! But that is all I can think of to say right now! Besides that I’m drain like the kitchen sink!

I am tired of of having this illness!

I am tired of being tired!

I am tired of people not understanding!

I am tired of doctors not believing me!

I a man tired of doctors not even trying to help me!

I am tired of having to research my challenges!

I am tired of having to tell my doctors what to do!

I am tired of having to explain all my challenges!

I am tired of having to tell the doctors how to do their job!

I am tired of having to figure out what is wrong with me myself!

I am tired of hurting!

I am tired of being nauseous!

I am tired of being dizzy!

I am tired of being week!

I am tired of complaining, which in all honesty, I don’t do very often!

I am tired of not being able to work!

I am tired of not being able to drive!

I am tired of doctors telling me I need to do something and not giving me help or solutions on how to do it!

I am tired of not being able to do the things I could before all of this!

I am just tired!

This list could probably go on forever! How long will I be tired? Until they find a cure!

I’m not mad and I’m not depressed, I’m just tired! The other weekend I was getting a sleep study done, I couldn’t complete it because I was sent to the hospital because I was paralyzed from the shoulders down and was having trouble breathing. I had to tell the paramedics that I wanted to go to the hospital even though I didn’t want to go because I told the nurse at the sleep study that I wasn’t capable of making that decision so they decided for me, and I knew that everyone wanted me to go! They didn’t do anything like I thought, mainly because they just didn’t believe me. I told them that nobody ever believes me. They left me alone in the room for 2 hours just waiting for my parents! They were read your to send me home, but wanted to ask my mom and dad I forgot what I say I sent happening really happens. They confirmed it, so then they believe do me but said they could help me because there weren’t any tests they could that haven’t been done!

This was the worst episode and scariest that has ever happened. It started out with constant twitching and jumping as my whole body was restless. I couldn’t open my right eye or talk for at least 30 minutes. Then I couldn’t move anything from he shoulders down for for about 3 hours! Now normally I bounce back right away when these episodes end, this time it took 2 days to bounce back to my normal and then a flare came on of extreme pain and exhaustion.

That bring some me to the point where I’m just tired of it! I’m not done fighting, but I’m just exhausted and over it!

Sometimes I think about everything I have to deal with and get mad or sad, but I’m also glad, because sadly there are people who have it much worse! Sometimes I tell myself don’t even think about complaining about this as others have it worse! This is true, but at the same time, what I am going through it the worse that I have had to deal with and it’s hard and so it’s okay to break down once in awhile as long as you pick yourself back up and continue to fight!

So whatever you are going through it’s okay to scream, cry, get angry, sad, and depressed. Just know that you will get through this and get up and continue to fight!

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