I stabbed myself…

I never thought that I would stab myself! I never thought even though it was so very painful to do that it would give so much needed relief!

I have had migraines since I was 15, they definitely are not any fun! I named my migraine Julie (Previous blood post) and she does not like to leave me alone! Along with the horrific pain I get extreme sound & light sensitivity and very dizzy and nauseous! I was able to somewhat control Julie but as I got older she got more aggressive!

For years I was only prescribed Imitrex, which did not help! I had like 4 different meds/OTC meds and a heated eye mask to try to help get rid of Julie as soon as possible or get some sort of relief as once she shows up she stays for at least 4 days.

January through end of March are always the worst time as Julie is there with me EVERY SINGLE DAY!! I couldn’t live like this anymore and was fed up with the treatment of the migraines I was receiving. I finally convinced my pcp to try something else and actually got a medication that somewhat knocked the pain down, not to an “I can ignore it” level but it was a little better. Unfortunately we had to try this med for a bit before we could go to the insurance company to get better meds.

I wasn’t thrilled with going back to the neurologist I had dealt with before, but then thought it would be okay as we were dealing with migraines and those are more understandable. I was prescribed Emgality and it took over 2 months to get the insurance company to approve it!

I was not expecting anything miraculous and being very very scared of needles was not thrilled with the idea of stabbing myself every month, but that is how much I am over dealing with Julie.

I finally got the injection meds in the beginning of December and holy rusted metal Batman did that freaking hurt! I almost vomited it hurt that bad to inject the meds into my leg, but I insisted that I needed to do it myself. I was amazed with the results! It kick Julie in the face,, the pain was gone and I mean GONE! Oh sure the nausea, dizziness, light & sound sensitivity ramped up, but the level 12 pain disappeared. “POOF”

I was told it could take a few weeks to kick in and work but the pain was gone with in a day. The last week of December Julie showed up with the pain again, and sadly had to wait until January 7 to do another injection as they have to be 30 days apart. I got used to the very little to no pain for the month that I hated having it back and it has been very hard to wait for relief when you know how good it was!

At my most recent check up with the neurologist, she said it will only get better the more you take the medication. I am very impressed and optimistic about this medication. I have been searching for and trying so many different ways to get relief from Julie and am beyond thrilled to finally have some! After so many many years of dealing with this horrible pain it is still surprising at how you forget how bad it was when you have a couple weeks of relief.

I highly doubt that this will ever make me like needles, but I may get used to and okay with this injection!

I almost couldn’t stab myself again on January 7, the thought of all that pain and fear of needles almost got me to not do it! I made myself do it and it didn’t hurt nearly as bad as the first time, but it still hurt a lot!  I will probably encounter that every time but it is so worth it to lessen and/or end the pain.

Julie is still hanging around right now, but she is only causing and dull ache, enough to know she is there but not enough to be a huge problem. Dizziness and lightheadedness is still ramped up and I look forward to that lessening as well.

My thoughts are so far I am very impressed with Emgality and will continue to stab myself once a month.

If you suffer with migraines (which I truly hope that you don’t) how bad are they? What helps knock the pain down?


Sleep study nightmare

Get a sleep study, it will be fun they said…

The night of July 19, 2019 started out good with finally getting the sleep study I’ve been asking for. I was feeling so tired and nauseous from forcing myself to stay awake all & night though, and after being all hooked up to what felt like a gazillion wires I was ready to lay down.

I went though the  required steps before I could try to sleep and then it was black and quiet! 

Shortly after laying down I started losing the ability to move my right side, which is normal and I been through it way too many times! 

Without a clock I had no idea how long I laid there trying to sleep, but I eventually fell asleep. Then started the dream, it was pitch black with a dark figure running, it  was me just running from what, I don’t know. Then I was falling, more running and falling, I could feel myself falling into a deep dark hole.

 I woke up and I couldn’t move my right side, I couldn’t even open my right eye, which has never happened. At the same time, my while body was extremely restless and was jumping constantly. Then eventually that calmed down, but I lost the ability to move my left side as well. There I was laying in an unfamiliar place paralyzed from the shoulders down, and having a difficult time breathing and I couldn’t talk. I tried to say “help me” but nothing came out! Eventually a voice came over the intercom asking if I needed help falling asleep, at that time my voice had come back and I stated I could not move. She came in and asked if I wanted to lay on my side, I stated I’m having trouble breathing and I can’t move my legs or arms. She asked if I wanted to go to the hospital next door. I said I’m not capable of making the decision right now. Part of me wanted to say yes, but I knew what was going to happen at the hospital! Nothing. 

She said she was going to go talk to the doctor and he happened to be walking by, she advised him of the situation and he said he was calling 911! And then there were first responders in my room asking a lot questions, and not fully believing what was going on. I do not blame them, nobody believes it. We waited for the paramedics to get there, and then more questions. Not believing me they asked if I could move over to the stretcher. If I could, y’all wouldn’t be here. Just a couple minutes later I was in the ER, and more question came. Nobody believes me, I even stated I’m not surprised you don’t believe me, nobody ever does, but this is real, and I hate it! The doctor even stated that I can not be paralyzed as I was talking completely normal!  Seriously!?!?

They hooked me up to the monitors and left me for about 2 hours, they finally came back just as I was going to pee myself! With the help of 2 people we were able to get up and use the commode they brought in, I started gaining the use of my arms back, but not much.

They left me alone again, not doing anything but asking if my parents were really coming. They were but the storm knocked down tree branches across the driveway so it took a little longer than usual. Once they got to the hospital, the doctor finally came back into my room only to ask if what I said was happening really happens. He stated they were ready to send me home, but not alone. My parents explained that this happens very often and it is in fact real! The doctor stated I should follow up with my neurologist, I stated they refuse to help me. He said there aren’t any other tests that they can run to help figure it out! He actually wanted me to get up and walk out on my own. That was not going to happen.

So that is why I don’t go to the emergency room when these episodes happen, they won’t do anything. They actually wanted me to walk out of the hospital. Not happening, I was so weak and still couldn’t move my legs. By the time I got home I had gained back my arms and left leg to the point to semi function. Usually once these episodes end I bounce back as if nothing happens, this time I didn’t. I was so weak and sore and exhausted, it took until the next morning to get over it. But then I was still in tremendous pain because we lost power early Saturday morning and I had to sleep laying flat, which causes a lot of pain. The power came back on early Sunday morning which is great, yet the damage is done, I’m in tremendous pain, weak and exhausted. 

That is a weekend I never want to repeat again!

I was told that I had to repeat the sleep study as they didn’t need get enough data to analyze! I was afraid to go get it done,  but after a week and a half I finally called to reschedule it! The second test went better, but I still lost the ability to move, but it just wasn’t as severe as the last time! 

Sadly they said there were no problems found! Apparently I didn’t move much which is understandable as I couldn’t and was hooked up to so many wires that  malfunctioned when I did move! 

The sleep doctor office I was seeing at the time told me to keep a sleep diary! Track when I had caffeine (which I never drink caffeine anymore), when I napped and slept! The doctor said assistant started telling me here isn’t much they can do, but keep on with the diary! She stated that I couldn’t enter my room until I went to bed for the night! I said I’m sorry but that can’t happen as 1/2 my room is my craft/work area and I need to work there! I was starting to say that they can’t just go with whatever they tell most patients. That we need to think outside the box with helping me, but she got up and walked out! 

 Next thing I know she was back, and the doctor comes in. This is the first time I’ve ever met him and he starts demanding that I do what they say! I can’t go in my room and I have to be up by 5:30 am and can’t sleep until 11pm! Now anyone who deals with chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia they know the sleep is very important and I can not force myself to stay awake that long! The nights that I did force myself to stay awake for the sleep studies I was feeling so very sick and weak because I didn’t rest during the day! I will say that I don’t often nap as I’d rather be awake crafting and listening to my books. Sadly the only thing they would say is what I’ve have tried so many times. I must follow and do what he says or I’ll be screwed! 

Did I speak up and try and get them to think of something different? No, I was too shocked at how this doctor and his assistant was treating me! I know that doctors has basic routine things they want to do first for everyone, but they seriously need to adjust their plan and listen to the patients more! Figure out what is best and not try the same thing for everyone! Needless to say I didn’t set up a follow up appointment and won’t go back! I have learned to stop dealing with doctors that are rude and I don’t feel that they would ever do anything different! 

These doctors may view me as uncooperative and difficult, but I’m not! I am tired of doing the same meaningless things and want them to think of how to help patients where the standard don’t help! Like my pcp will remind me is that I know my body the best! I know what has worked and what hasn’t!

I’ve said it a million times it seems, but I’ll keep saying it. The one thing medical professionals need to learn in school is how to actually talk to and listen to the patients!

Trust the feeling!

You know that feeling in your gut or where ever it lives that something isn’t right, or this person isn’t that good!? Trust it!

I can tell within 20 seconds whether a doctor is going to be good to me or not! This feeling is never wrong! I actually get this feeling with anyone, but I listen to it more closely with doctors!

These medical professionals are supposed to take good care of us, in fact we trust them with our lives without even knowing anything about them because of the work they choose to do!

I listen very carefully and watch closely at how they act when they first get in the room, it all is very important in how they are going to treat you! Now I will say that some of this may have to do with how their day is going and what they read in my chart. I know for a fact that some doctors have written lies about me in my chart and I am not sure how to fix that yet, but maybe what is written makes them think that I am wasting their time, I really don’t know! Maybe I for should ask that some time!

I always assumed that doctors knew best for the most part, and that is true in some cases, but not always! Some doctors like to just go along with the basics and when I ask for more or  challenge them, they tend to get upset! I have had a doctor stop seeing me because I wouldn’t do anymore physical therapy and sleeping pills didn’t help! He didn’t want to dig deeper and try to run other tests or think and figure any of it out! Then of course if he writes something off in my chart, the next doctor will see it and not take me seriously I bet.

Doctors want us to tell them what is going on and what is wrong with us, yet they get upset when you go into too much detail because you have done your research. It is very true when I say that the people living with these health challenges know more than their doctors, because we know how our body is acting and what is working and not working! We need to do our own research and yes I know we can’t believe everything we see online and we don’t want to self diagnose, but it is better that just waiting on the doctors as they take forever sometimes!

Doctors will have more access to the medical side of all these things, but there is a world of information and support groups out there to help us! Talking with others that are going through some the same things you are is not only helpful emotionally & mentally, but also helpful with finding out what is wrong and what to do! You simply take in all the information, notes and everything and go through it and see what you want to talk to your doctor about! It has been very helpful for me! This is also a great way to find out some more natural supplements or things to help you get some relief, of course you should always talk to your doctor about it!

I feel like I have gotten off topic, but I think it all goes together! You are seeking help from these doctors and you need to make sure they are the right fit for you! One doctor doesn’t fit good with all patients! I have lost count on how many doctors have said “well this is what a lot of my patients do, so you must be the same way” or “this works for these people, so it will work for you as well”. Sorry, that is not always the case. They need to learn to think outside the box and we need to learn to stand up and fight for the right care!

If you get a feeling like your doctor isn’t listening well or they are not trying their best, speak up! If you don’t think the doctor is going to listen, then talk to the nurses, I know or a fact that they do listen. Nurses are the ones in my mind that care the most as they do most of the work! You can also ask to talk to the care manager, I have spent a lot of time talking with care managers, both in person and on the phone, as they tend to check in with me to see how my doctors are working for me and I love that! Care managers are the main go between with patients & doctors, they need to know who doctors and nurses are doing!


Trust your gut!

Trust that feeling!

Stand up for yourself and your health care!

Talk to nurses!

Talk to care managers!

Talk to your support groups! If you don’t have one, get one! We may not know each other that well or at all, but we know what you are going through and are here to listen, talk to, vent to, and brainstorm!

You are never alone!